Saturday, February 20, 2010

I Hate Rihanna

She has the perfect pedigree.

Beautiful lithe body, striking features, hailing from the exotic far off land of Barbados, Rihanna symbolizes raw feminine sexual power. Her look is versatile, she is the punk chic, the lady in red, the hipster, the dominatrix, the Las Vegas showgirl: Tina Turner, Grace Jones and Lisa Bonet wrapped in one sexy package.

Her debut album, Music of the Sun, was a mixture of reggae and R&B, and received luke warm reviews. Rolling Stone gave the album 2.5 out of 5 stars, claiming it "lacked replay value." Slant and Entertainment Weekly were even less kind, they considered Rihanna "maudlin and chintzy" - a clone of Beyonce.

Rihanna seemed destined for the trash heap of rejected teen debutante pop stars.

Then before the release of her third album, Good Girl Gone Bad, Rihanna changed her look. She cut her hair short and dyed it black, adopted more provocative outfits, and metamorphosed her image from good girl to sexual predator.

Good Girl Gone Bad was a smash hit. It sold over 2 million copies in the United States, was nominated for a slew of awards, and the AMA awarded Rihanna with best female R&B vocalist of the year.

So what if her voice sounded nasally or suspiciously "not as good" live when she performed at award shows. Who cared if her songs were jacked from other R&B artists, lacked originality, or were little more than turbo charged soul cringing power ballads produced, written and packaged by veteran music producers like Timbaland and Christopher "Tricky" Stewart?

Rihanna was hot. She was the self made success story, a Horatio Alger tale for the new millennium. The poor little immigrant girl who struck gold and made it rich. She even had the faerie tale boyfriend, fellow R&B crooner hottie Chris Brown.

Then it all fell apart. Chris Brown received an alleged "booty" call text. The couple argued, Rihanna grew angry and tried to leave, Chris Brown grabbed her and forced her back into the car. Violence ensued.

Photos of Rihanna's bruised and bloody face were "mysteriously" leaked to TMZ, and Rihanna went from being an R&B star to a household name and the national topic of conversation.

Chris Brown hadn't beaten on a girl, he had beaten on a vibrant sex symbol, an icon of post modern feminine empowerment. The story was inescapable, it played everywhere, even the most clueless and out of touch, those who had never heard of Rihanna and never listened to R&B were subjected to endless stories of Chris Brown's rampage.

Obama's stimulus package, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Recession - momentarily forgotten. Rihanna had become the Reality TV moment, the national dialogue, endless fodder for talk shows and late night comedians, the symbol of domestic abuse.

Predictably, in the wake of the assault Rihanna's sales skyrocketed, while Chris Brown's plummeted. Rihanna was a victim, the heroine, the girl done wrong. That she and her publicists milked her domestic abuse for free publicity - well, that's just business. Any publicity is good publicity, in the age of reality TV notoriety and fame are interchangeable.

There's nothing worse than being anonymous.

Rihanna used all the free press to market her latest album, Rated R. Initially the album sold well, but then its sales dropped off. Industry experts were baffled, Rihanna had received more publicity then any other singer in 2009. Rated R was supposed to put Rihanna over the top, crown her the new queen of R&B. Rated R was supposed to make Rihanna the new Beyonce.

But they forgot what made Rihanna a smash hit wasn't her singing, it was her image. She was supposed to be the nubian goddess, the unobtainable temptress, the sexual dynamo.

No one wants to buy the image of a beaten and broken woman. That's not the Rihanna brand.

A few days ago, new photos emerged of Rihanna nude, photos of Rihanna flashing her "asshole" in the mirror. Rihanna is posing - the photos are provocative, dirty, hot.

But hey, Rihanna knows the score:

Paris Hilton Sex Tape: World Wide Fame
Kim Kardashian Sex Tape: World Wide Fame
Rihanna Flashing Asshole: ( Do the math )

What choice does she have? Her album sales are down, Rated R has sold barely half of Good Girl Gone Bad. She has to remind the world that at 20, she's still sexy, she's still hot. What better way then to grab headlines then flashing your bum?

That's because Rihanna knows there is nothing worse than being anonymous. If album sales are down, you have to do what you have to do...

..... even if that means flashing the world your asshole.

But Rihanna is just a piece of the reality glitz junket, the fast food image vomit tapestry that dominates cultural discourse.

She's verbal junk food, safe. You can't offend anyone talking about Rihanna, provided you agree that she's a victim and Chris Brown is a villain.

It's like talking about balloon boy, or Jersey Shore's Jenni "Jwoww" Farley trash outfits, or the Salahi's crashing white house dinners. You don't have to have an opinion, its already made for you.

Wouldn't you rather see if Jon and Kate Gosselin can save their marriage rather then focus on your own?

So on Friday when someone mentioned Rihanna flashing her asshole, and what a poor abused victim she was, I told them Chris Brown was justified and that she deserved it.

I don't really believe that, I just wanted a reaction.

The teachers got angry, but for the first time all day, we had a discussion. From Rihanna to domestic abuse, from domestic abuse to the "double standard" of men being attacked by their wives and the attacks never reported, Rihanna latest"half-ass" venture was evaluated with a critical eye.

Because I don't really hate Rihanna....

.....it's just that when you flash your asshole at the world, don't get mad at the world for thinking you are an asshole.

18 comments:

  1. I am 56 and rarely listen to pop music, preferring jazz, classical or 60's Motown, but several years ago, I was channeling surfing and ran across her first video -- I enjoyed her energy and ran out and bought her CD. I think there are few young women today whose music I enjoy. This young lady, who obviously has her demons, got my attention.

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  2. I hate Rihanna as well. It is really unfair that in order to be "critically acclaimed" (whatever that means) you have to be at least 85% naked 100% of the time. Seriously when this girl (i do mean girl) first hit the scene she was all tomboy and alternative. BUT that my friends money does not make. So once again all the little black girls in the world are taught the same tired ass lesson BE LIGHTER THAN NEXT BLACK GIRL IN YOUR VICINITY BE MORE PROMISCUOUS THAN YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH AND ABOVE ALL ELSE BE ACCEPTED. --- Sincerely brown n round n so much fun to be around....

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  3. Okay wait a damn minute! The reason I hate Rihanna is because she is a liar! Where is Chris brown's mugshot and the 911 call reported by an elderly Jewish man who witnessed the fight? Why did I see him on Canadian TV talking about Rihanna actually was the person who begain beating on Chris Brown first? Why has this not been reported on American TV? What the hell is really going on here? So it turns out rihanna is an abuser of men and like we see with the refusal to allow Kitty Kelly to properly promote her book about Oprah Winfrey the media surpresses information to control actions and opinions. America is a disgusting place to live. The media runs the country not the ppl!

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  4. I hate Rihanna because her song lyrics are sick as hell. Used to like her until I listened to the lyrics of Rude Boy on the radio. when it came on the radio my 10 year old daughter says " oh I love this song!"
    I heard what she was actually singing and I wanted to throw up. I quickly changed the station.... I mean come on!
    Why isn't this shit RATED R music banned from our radio stations that our children are listening to!??? Don't artists like rihanna care that it's our young kids that worship her? Brutal role model. she's such a loser...

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  5. I hate Rihanna because she sounds like a tortured sack of drowning cats. She can't dance, she just paces the stage in a trance like Frankenstein. She is all gimmick...she just changes her hair or wears extreme makeup to cover up for her lack of talent. She's totally useless, a liar and a moron. What's worse, she's in denial about her singing ability, she really believes she can sing. This new pile of crap she's putting out called "Loud" or I should call it "Lol'd", will probably do well at first and drop off just like that psychotic Rated-R. She and Katy Perry both deserve a special place in hell, probably at the right hand of satan for their god awful singing, horrible lyrics and total lack of showmanship.

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    1. Aww, leave Katy Perry alone. She's a cutie.

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  6. i agree Rihanna is a garbage!

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  7. The pictures are fake, fool. Either way it shows your lack of morals to even say, if you "don't mean it" that she deserved it. Perhaps you are simply a jealous young girl that is desperate for Chris Brown's cock.

    As for MEN being beat by a woman, seeking pity. Man up. It's ridiculous. Completely fictitious.

    None of you have ever been a victim. If a girl slaps you out of anger, does that mean you will fall to the floor, unconscious? Or does it mean you will simply have a red mark? Women are not violent. Men are violent, and victimize women, and the stronger that woman is, the more pleasure men get of "breaking" her.


    Believe it or not, people have different taste about what music is good. She is talented. You say she is horrible live but I've seen her live, singing Unfaithful, and it was beautiful.

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  8. The definition of Rihanna :- A bad pitch or tone,white noise interupted by an incoherent speech deficency.

    Notes:- There is no new look for 2011 ie:- Theso called Warrior Rihanna look. Publishers are probably just sick of airbrushing someone whom is clearly a size 16 or 18 (hips don't lie). Her genetic framework would make it impossible for here to look slender and without a lard ar*e naturally.

    Notes:- Rihanna Rihanna oh dear if your going to use skin lighteners please make sure that you apply creams and make up to all areas which are visible.Its nice when you can accept yourself in every way,however people are starting to say that Rihanna is mixed raced oh come on now just look at here features and skin tone. Gees people will believe and except anything it seems.

    Notes:- Elocution lessons are still needed as Rihanna constantly flits back to her caribbean accent hmmm does she really disilike herself that much to pretend to be something she is not.

    Notes:- It is impossible to dance frantically and sing to perfection at the same time as Rihanna appears to. Incidently with the X factor performance of "Whats my name" you can clearly hear that there is a recording playing. As when your moving your mouth and your clearly out of sink this is a boo boo on your part,ive seen a live version of Umbrella a truly abismal attempt at singing. Maybe a her producers would enlist a mime artist for all stage work after all they would surely be ready for the part as they would probably already be wearing black and white while the embarrasment would be covered by Rihanna wearing supportive red of course. (Lol jokes x2)

    Notes:- Its amazing what money can do to the extremes of silencing to respect.Don't believe the hype but if this is true and someone gave me herpes id wanna beat the crap out of them also.

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  9. Women are not violent. Men are violent, and victimize women, and the stronger that woman is, the more pleasure men get of "breaking" her.

    Sniff, sniff. What's that I smell? Oh, yes! I believe ... yes, I believe ... it's radical feminazi bullshit!

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  10. Take a deep breath & clear your schedule for the following read ;)

    No disrespect to ANYONE, but I've noticed that the majority of Rihanna "stans" I see commenting about how wonderful she is are the same ones that throw around in the most ignorant information.

    The individual who said that men cannot be physically abused, needs to get off the internet & pick up a damn book! I have a boyfriend that I've been with for a year & he is THE most wonderful man I've ever met. He treats me better than any other man I've ever dated. But suppose I hit him out of anger? Will he not feel any emotional or physical pain?

    SOCIETY builds gender roles! Ugh. This guy. What a fuckin idiot.

    ANYWAY, I totally agree with this article. I'll just lay all out.

    Rihanna's FAKE! Why do I say she's fake? Here's an unweighted answer: Because she doesn't have that "IT" factor (never did). She's so incredibly untalented that I wonder how she was even noticed in the first place. Now, she doesn't have to have it all. Because we all know Madonna is not a strong singer, BUT she can dance & write well. Same goes for Britney (who also cannot sing IMO but manages to at least shake a tailfeather). The list goes on and on. I've NEVER watched a pop star perform on stage and felt bored in all my life...until the Rihanna gimmick came along.

    Beauty is her talent, but there's another industry for that. She lacks personality & luster. It almost seems as if this is all an assignment for her.

    What turns me off even further about Rihanna is the fact that she is terribly immature. For all those who even give a damn, look at her twitter sometime. She responds to people who say terrible things about her (yeah, so high school!) In fact, some of her fans have to say mean things to her in order for her to even acknowledge them. It's disgusting and she shows her insecurities a little more each and every day.

    She tries to put out a message that she can't even execute. She also puts on this "Can't fuck with me" persona that comes off a bit corny and NOT intimidating AT ALL. It only makes her look even weaker to me.

    She's a TERRIBLE performer. I don't see her name on any credits for writing or production so it's like she's a damn jukebox that you throw a coin in and enjoy.

    And now, I'm paying for what a majority of the public AREN'T paying for (album & ticket sales) and that is her crotch flapping in my face each time we see her on a stage (through a television screen, because I REFUSE to purchase a ticket to ANY of her strip gigs). Now, don't get me wrong. I love a dirty show but don't do what I can do in my bedroom. I wanna be on a respirator when you're done showing me what you've got. Rihanna has not achieved this. NOT ONCE, for me, in her ENTIRE career. I'm done waiting for this Bajan barbie doll.

    I'm done ranting. lol. Call me a hater. Unlike Rihanna, I don't respond to negativity.

    Great blog/article, btw, LA Teacher!

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  11. OK, here goes.Im not a hater, I dont spend all my time cursing this attention whore,but i am NOT a fan and this is why.
    shes a singer, right? that means shes meant 2 sing well. SHE DOESN'T. true her songs sound nice,but they are all autotuned fake tracks,and when she sings live - lets just say my cat can sing better than her. all this slut does in her shows is gimmicks, gimmicks, gimmicks. No talent.only 'sexy' dancing,lack of clothes, misplaced attitude and backup tracks, all because her voice is too shit to captivate the audience by itself.look at adele, now she can sing, i've seen her move an audience to tears with just her gorgeous voice and a backing guitarist.THAT is talent. THAT is a role model. NOT this slut who relies on porno music videos and stans to sell records.

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  12. Fuck you all expect the ones that says that rihanna is a good singer SHE IS THE BEST SINGER EVER

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  13. Wow....OK sex has always been an element in the business of commercial music. The fact that Rihanna has allowed her image to be manufactured as not simply sexy or sexual but as if she were an actually sexually self defining woman who is creating the image is a sorry tribute to 40+ years after the second wave of feminism. Yes sisterhood was once powerful, but now...not so much!

    Know I will take the chance of being cursed out simply for offering an educated critique. I have heard a live version of her singing... I think it was "Unfaithful," and I was appalled by it. Pitch was not a concept apparently. We won't even discuss her tone or lack thereof. I suppose if she worked with a good vocal coach for a couple of years she might manage to actually sing a vocal line with power and better accuracy of pitch.

    But I'm not mad at her...sistergirl is doing her thing... her hustle--which we all gotta have at some level cause...we all got bills, right? Besides she is probably no worse than many others out there as far as having a look more than a voice.

    But, here's my deal why all the hate? We live in a racist,sexist, lookist culture--hate that-- dismantle that and then perhaps the less than talented of the world will not be able to sell the recordings they sell.

    And maybe a$$wipes like K. Lagerfeld(former fat person ...aren't converts the worst? imagine working in one of the industries most imbricated with the tyranny of thinness when one is one's self plump)will not feel he needs to call Adele fat, but instead talk about her lush beauty, her stunning voice and ability to write good tunes and her skill at delving into the emotional truth of a lyric.

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  14. I hate her too but because she's made some racist comments about Karreuche Tran, CB's half Asian ex-girlfriend. Being an Asian, I suppose I am more aware on this subject. Rihanna called Tran a "rice-cake," and later supposedly on her instagram sent out hateful messages to Tran's clothingline with words like "#phuckyoclothingline," visibly being conceited of her own line at River Island in the UK which is doing well. I'm just so sick of this pop princess. She's beautiful, but got a mediocre voice. What's behind her success is her team, whoever that have worked for her over the years. Look at her music videos. The effects, cinematography, choreography.. She did sing (hopefully) and dance herself for those, but the first-class support and packaging she received is the primary drive behind it all.

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  15. Honestly, I'm sick of all these people saying she's beautiful. Like 90% of female celebrities, she looks beautiful...with 12 pounds of makeup on. Geez, take a look at her without make makeup to see how "beautiful" she is.

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